Dear Um Saif,
My husband and are on the verge of divorce due to constant disagreements that I now believe are irreconcilable. All I can say is that I am European and my husband is from the Levant. We have two children below 10 years old. Our family and friends think our differences are cultural, but I think the differences are more from our personalities, and the way we deal with everyday issues. He does not like to discuss things and he is very stubborn, so I don't always know that he is unhappy about my actions and the resentment builds in both of us. What is a clearly a cultural difference is the way that we each want to try to solve our problem: I want us to see a marriage counselor in Dubai who is a friend of mine, and my husband wants us to talk to the elders in his family. What do you think, Um Saif? Another issue is that my husband wants our two kids to stay with his mother until we resolve our problems and that is something I cannot accept.
Trying-to-hold-on
Dear Trying-to-hold-on,
Marriage is a delicate thing for any couple, of any race, let alone a multi-cultural marriage which has additional challenges and stresses, and requires double the amount of work to make the union succeed. I always have sympathy for children in divorce situations as divorce can scar children for life. For their sake, and for yours, I would suggest you seek a NEUTRAL counsel, neither his family elders, nor your friend counselor. Arbitration by elders is a popular way of resolving problems in Arab culture, and I believe that it works only when the people involved are from both families, are wise, and have both your interests at heart. The fact that you are both willing to seek solutions is a good thing as the only way a marriage can be saved is if both sides are willing to change. Emphasis is on ‘both.’ As for sending your kids to his mother; I think that’s a bad idea. Your kids need their lives to go on uninterrupted, including school, their rituals etc. They don’t need an upheaval in their lives. So while you are trying to resolve these issues, please don’t fight in front of your kids. Solve your problems like grown ups. I pray you succeed.
If you too have a problem that needs solving email: umsaif@abudhabitempo.com